October 02, 2015

"Drunk History": More accurate than you think. (Just look at the Knights of Columbus...)

Gavin McInnesRebel Commentator
 

How’s it goin’ eh? Drunk History is a funny show that makes historical figures look wasted, but here’s the deal: they were.

(Language warning:)

It's a funny show that makes historical figures look wasted but here’s the deal: they were.

Nerds leave it out of the history books but when you get into the nitty gritty of history, all you see is totally wasted hosers totally blacked out.

I was reading recently about this thing in old New York called “Second Night.” Apparently, before electricity, people would crash when it got dark and then wake up in the middle of the night ready to rock. They’d go to their neighbors house in their fuggin’ PJs and just shoot the sh** by candlelight. Then they’d go back to bed around 4AM and have their second nap.

I think they were wasted. I know when I really slam the whiskey, I wake up in the middle of the night with what the Irish call, “The horrors.” It’s like a bad acid trip and some doctor once told me it’s because my liver ran out of water and it’s trying to wake me up to get get hydrated so he can keep cleaning the blood. These people weren’t going to be early because it was dark. They were passing out drunk. Our ancestors didn’t get up because they enjoyed “segmented sleep.” They were grabbing some more whiskey to quell the horrors.

That’s how bad it was a couple hundred years ago. You needed to be toasted to not want to kill yourself.


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Comments
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commented 2015-10-03 15:46:20 -0400
Getting boozed up didn’t do Lizzy May any good, and it really never does anyone any good. Jesus’ apostles were sober men, and they changed western society much for the better, bringing Jesus’ moral teachings and salvation to people who were lost in self-destructive immoral lifestyles that included alcohol abuse. That mission by Jesus’ followers is still going on today, still bringing salvation to many lost people suffering in alcohol and drug abuse.
commented 2015-10-02 13:47:02 -0400
Well we’ve seen how booze improved Lizzy May.
commented 2015-10-02 12:16:30 -0400
Umm…No Gavin that not how the KofC started for fuck sakes… The Catholics grouped up to start a life insurance pot because Catholics in Connecticut back then could only get shity jobs and dangerous ones; more then ofter they would die and leave there wife and kids to fend for themselves, that’s where life insurance came in. Protestants hated their guts and wanted them to go. There are even old News paper adds for Jobs and at the bottom it said ‘’Catholics need not apply’’. Sure they were drunk but so were everyone like you say.
commented 2015-10-02 12:16:27 -0400
Umm…No Gavin that not how the KofC started for fuck sakes… The Catholics grouped up to start a life insurance pot because Catholics in Connecticut back then could only get shity jobs and dangerous ones; more then ofter they would die and leave there wife and kids to fend for themselves, that’s where life insurance came in. Protestants hated their guts and wanted them to go. There are even old News paper adds for Jobs and at the bottom it said ‘’Catholics need not apply’’. Sure they were drunk but so were everyone like you say.
commented 2015-10-02 11:49:10 -0400
because the technology to PURIFY WATER had not been developed yet
commented 2015-10-02 10:31:39 -0400
Inebriates in history go back even further than you think Gavin – here’s a little song we sing about the greybeards of philosophy to bring perspective to their reasoning -

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-tank who was very rarely stable.
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Schoppenhauer and Hegel.
And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There’s nothing Nieizsche couldn’t teach ’ye ’bout the bending of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stewart Mill, of his own free will On half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato they say could stick it away, Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, And Hobbes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart. ‘I drink, therefore I am.’

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed.
commented 2015-10-02 10:17:39 -0400
When you understand that ale was the drink of choice for breakfast, lunch and supper this becomes easy to understand.