October 26, 2015

Toronto Star's Heather Mallick admits that Harper Derangement Syndrome has turned her brain to mush

Mindy AlterRebel Blogger

Heather Mallick, the Toronto Star fixture who suffers from perhaps the worst case of Harper Derangement Syndrome in the country, has emerged from her decade-long funk now that the "dark days" of Tory rule, as she calls them, are finally over.

Here's a sample of the now-jubilant Heather's writing post-Trudeau win.

(And even considering that for some unknown reason she's caring for a newborn baby, and that sleep deprivation may therefore be a factor, these lines reveal her, ahem, unique thought processes in all their deliciously -- deliriously --unhinged wackiness...):

I tire. After 10 years of fighting Harperism, my skull is sieve-like and my brain leaking, chunk by chunk, into something like those drip pan arrangements underneath the fridge. Doctor, prescribe me a census, marijuana legalization, an assisted-dying law by the Supreme Court’s February deadline, wise and abstemious Senate appointees, fence-mending at the G20, help for the planet at the Paris climate conference ... it’s a long list.

On Election Day morning, I tried to calm a fussy newborn baby with happy songs. I tried jingles like the WKRP bait shop ad, “Red wigglers, the Cadillac of worms” and the theme song to The Beverly Hillbillies. It didn’t go well. And then I quietly sang "O Canada" to the baby, naturally replacing “sons’ command” with “daughters’.”

The baby relaxed in my arms and listened quietly, intrigued. “Our home and native land,” “glowing hearts,” “glorious and free,” I sang breathily. 

And then the day ended very very well.

There's no point in waiting for Ms. Mallick to regain some semblance of sanity: clearly, at this stage of the game, she is much too far gone.

However, I think it might be an act of kindness to say a prayer or two for the poor bambino currently in her care, an innocent being forced to endure the onslaught of Heather's archaic, not to mention downright bizarre, pop cult references. (WKRP? The Beverly Hillbillies? -- wow, that really is cutting edge baby entertainment, Heather.)

In fact, I wonder: does singing such things to a baby constitute a form of child abuse, or, at the very least, a kind of cruel and unusual punishment?




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commented 2015-10-27 20:41:02 -0400
Too bad there are so many like her in Canada – worst part is they actually breed.
commented 2015-10-27 18:26:31 -0400
Harper Derangement Syndrome – was brought to you by that cesspool of freaks, the UN!
commented 2015-10-27 02:20:32 -0400
Her brain was always mush , she will now be whining when anyone criticizes her new God Justin. Gonna be funny watching the media party explode whenever his stupidity is pointed out
commented 2015-10-27 02:19:37 -0400
Jimmy yeah we sure miss the old Trudeau days when inflation was sky high and you were lucky to get a mortgage under 20% , i sure miss those days, my 3% mortgage is just such a burden LMAO
commented 2015-10-26 17:19:20 -0400
A leftist touting “glorious and free”, now that’s something! Glorious and free to kill babies and the elderly, glorious and free to smoke pot, glorious and free to sell your body, glorious and free to sell the global warming hoax, etc. If Mallick and the other leftists are so enamored by Islam, why not move to a Muslim country and find out how glorious and free you can be there? Or Communist China, a nation Trudeau admires?
commented 2015-10-26 15:15:27 -0400
Get Canada Back? Living under a rock? Been here, never notice anything missing, at least I’m still working, paying taxes, making my contributing to the elitist politician, …not sure what and who Mallick is but really sounded like she was suffering from years of post voting i am right (left) syndrome…her and and her followers must feel better, now that they have found the Canada that didn’t go anywhere…good on her…congrats…
commented 2015-10-26 14:23:13 -0400
Naiveté, thy name is Jimmy
commented 2015-10-26 13:58:44 -0400
WKRP Rules!

Canadians are finally going to get their Canada back.