To whom it may concern: I understand you are having a bit of trouble designing a proper hijab RCMP uniform.
I see you’ve gone through three separate prototypes unsuccessfully. With the Canadian Human Rights Commission breathing down your neck and aching to scream "Islamophobia," you’re going to need a solution soon.
Well, look no further!
The Islamic Republic of Iran has more than 30 years experience successfully designing hijabs for female police. So much for our reputation for sexism, eh? (To use one of your country's charming expressions.)
Unlike your failed prototypes, the Iranian police hijab does not violate safety regulations or hinder movement.
The full on chador gives these women an added edge in terms of both stealth and intimidation, kind of like your Batman fellow, due to superior Iranian technology!
Frankly, now that your wise Prime Minister is lowering the sanctions on our Islamic Republic, I think there is a lot that your police force can learn from ours.
I’ve also read that the RCMP is extending the use of this new hijab to any female officer “who may be serving in communities with significant Muslim communities.” This is a fabulous idea. No longer will your female officers commit haram by entering our communities with uncovered hair and exposed wrists.
After all, you wouldn’t want to put a Muslim man in an awkward position, should he be pulled over by a female officer for a traffic violation. What if she’s wearing shorts!? That doesn’t sound very culturally accommodating to me, and I wouldn’t blame him if he refused to pull over. (Then complained to the Human Rights Commission about your obvious "Islamophobia...")
Once the chador and hijab are mandatory for all female officers, Canada's little girls will finally be able to look up to Canada’s finest with pride. Not only will your women in uniform be pleasing in the eyes of Allah, but they will be considered acceptable in the eyes of devout Muslim men who happen to be engaged in criminal activity.
Inshallah, within 30 years the mutaween will be just as quintessentially Canadian as Dudley Doo Right himself. Hope to hear from you soon!
Seyed Ali Hosseini Khamenei
Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran