Dear Bruce Jenner,
On behalf of the sports enthusiasts of Toronto, Ontario, and indeed all of Canada, I would like to congratulate you on coming out last week in your Very Special Interview with Diane Sawyer. We all knew already that you were turning yourself into a woman, but we were most pleased to learn that you are an open Republican.
This year marks the 40th anniversary of one of your greatest athletic achievements – your championship performance in Decathlon at the 1975 Pan Am Games in Mexico City, which put you on the path to Wheaties-Box superstardom the following summer with your Olympic Gold in Montreal.
You have certainly changed a lot since then, but the nature of the Pan Am Games has not. If you recall, those ’75 games were supposed to be held in Santiago, Chile. When the Marxist Allende government that won the rights to host the games was deposed in a 1973 coup, Pinochet’s right-wing counterrevolutionary junta told the Pan Am organizing committee to take its overpriced show elsewhere.
Brazil’s military dictatorship next gave it a shot, but was forced to withdraw its attempt to stage the games in Sao Paolo with less than a year to go, due to cost overruns and financial mismanagement. Mexico City became the final resting place of the 1975 games, thanks to its existing sports infrastructure left over from the 1968 Olympics.
Bruce - if I may still call you Bruce - we urge you to use your new transgender tea-party street cred to come to Toronto and make a truly bold statement. We would like you to stand erect at the entrance to the Rogers Centre, and denounce the immorality of the modern “Big Games” movement that takes the hard-earned fruits of every taxpayer’s labours, and hands it over to insiders, bureaucrats, diplomats, crony-capitalists and lobbyists, all in the name of sport.
We would like you to teach the world the lessons that were first taught in your heyday of the 1970s, with the financial fiasco of Montreal 1976 being the prime example - that the expense of these events always greatly outweighs the cost. With just 100 days to go and most of the $2.5 billion already having been spent, it may be too late to save Toronto, but you can always give hope to the good people of Lima, Peru, who have been placed on the hook for Pan Am 2019.
Bruce, we know you and your family have been accused of representing the “Panem et Circenses” downfall of the modern Western world with your reality-show career. However, we respect the fact that Keeping Up With The Kardashians has been a purely capitalist affair. Multi-billion-dollar taxpayer-bilking schemes are an entirely different story.
Use your newly-elevated public platform for good, Bruce. Cry out to the world: enough is enough, the international sports taxpayer-bilking scam must end now! This may be a job only an out-of-the-closet conservative superathlete can do.
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