December 09, 2018

CFL avoids Menzies’ “Top 7 WORST team nicknames” with “Atlantic Schooners” pick

David MenziesMission Specialist

It’s official. If Halifax gets a Canadian Football League team, it will be called the Atlantic Schooners, which is neither the best nor worst. With so many football leagues comes the problem of so many ghastly team nicknames as a result of everything from a lack of vision and redundancy, all the way to the challenges presented by political correctness.

Today, I thought I’d catalogue my Top 7 worst team nicknames.

Ghastly sports nicknames is likely a global phenomenon, but this list will be confined to North American pro sports teams. And, I’m steering clear of native nicknames.

Despite what the usual suspects have to say, those names and logos all tend to be fantastic and aren’t offensive to the vast majority of natives.

Feel free to weigh-in in the comments section about your personal favourite worst, and in the meantime, enjoy my submission!

P.S. When you get to the number 1 worst ever team nickname in which an inspiring name was sacrificed in order to honour the franchise’s first head coach, Paul Brown, just consider the bright side that the name was merely boring.

You must be logged in to comment. Click here to log in.
commented 2018-12-10 23:00:09 -0500
After dumbass signs his UN compact,maybe we can call the newest CFL team “The Atlantic Migrants” or the “Maritimes Refugees”,maybe the “Atlantic Allu Akbars”
commented 2018-12-10 13:47:52 -0500
A local town near us is going SJW mode and changing the hockey team’s name, Mohawks, even though I have never heard a Mohawk complain about it. My suggestion, since we live in Mennonite Mecca is to call them , The Fightin’ White Mennonites.
commented 2018-12-10 11:12:50 -0500
How about the Hamilton TigerCats… aka Feline-Felines
commented 2018-12-10 09:10:52 -0500
I was waiting for Chicago Black Cocks. hahaha
commented 2018-12-10 00:29:31 -0500
JEAN-BAPTISTE MOQUELIN commented 4 hours ago
Regarding the Canadiens…
I’m a Westerner first and a Canadian a distant second- only as required by legal impediments.
commented 2018-12-09 22:27:47 -0500
10 hours ago I posted something making fun of the sports name of Schooners. I have changed my mind as the worst CFL name ever thought of is REDBLACKS. Perhaps this terrible name has something to do with Justin Trudeau living in Ottawa.
commented 2018-12-09 20:30:36 -0500
Regarding the Canadiens…

You have to know that going back to pre-WWI, Canadian basically meant the original settlers of Canada, that is… French! English-speaking Canadians were reluctant to regard themselves as… Canadians. They were part of Greater Britain, they were British North Americans, they were English, they were Scots, they were Irish… But Canadians? Nah. That only started to take with WWI. Then of course, French-speaking Canadians started calling themselves… FRENCH Canadians – to distinguish themselves from the other Canadians.

So the Canadians were… the team of, by and for French Canadians (or, as they were then known, Canadiens). It was also incredibly talented and successful. Montreal has had other hockey teams, most notably the Maroons, by and for English Montrealers. The team name made perfect sense then. Today, not so much.
commented 2018-12-09 17:27:23 -0500
Bring the NFL to Canada. I’m sure Toronto, Calgary and Vancouver could each support teams.
commented 2018-12-09 16:44:45 -0500
How interesting…naming your Canadian football team after a beer glass…
Well, it is PC problem free…for now.

“…In Canada, a “schooner” refers to a large capacity beer glass. Unlike the Australian schooner, which is smaller than a pint, a Canadian schooner is always larger. Although not standardized, the most common size of schooner served in Canadian bars is 32 oz. (946 mL); the volume of two US pints. It is usually a tankard (mug) shaped glass, rather than a pint shaped glass. It shouldn’t be confused with Schooner Lager, which is a regional brand of beer found only in the eastern maritime provinces of Canada…" wikipee
commented 2018-12-09 16:41:42 -0500
Schooners were part of the colonization of the northwestern Atlantic Ocean and instrumental to the collapse of the cod fishery, the primary food source of the endangered seal population which has been the victim of heartless genocide….I object to that name most strenuously (so strenuously in fact I just may crap my knotted drawers)…..;-)
commented 2018-12-09 13:52:50 -0500
The Atlantic schooners will never happen. There’s a pavilion at each Grey Cup where they sell you overpriced beer and lobster rolls. Made this discovery after working for them one year. The guy who runs the party keeps the proceeds for himself. Total scam.
commented 2018-12-09 13:15:25 -0500
Isn’t that the name of a beer? Could be trouble.
commented 2018-12-09 12:19:58 -0500
Did the Sailors on the Schooners play Football?