We recently reported that New York City officially recognizes 31 genders, but now it looks like they’ll have to bump that up to 32 to accommodate the newest gender identity: the ecosexual.
An ecosexual is a hardcore environmentalist who has romantic feelings for Mother Earth and believes they can save the planet by having sex with plants.
Recently a number of them gathered in Sydney, Australia where they romped with vegetation and each other in a shag-shack called the Ecosexual Bathhouse.
In a media report, renowned expert Amanda Morgan of the University of Nevada described the activities of a typical ecosexual thus:
“There are people who roll around in the dirt having an orgasm covered in potting soil. There are people who f*** trees, or [pleasure themselves] under a waterfall.”
We used to call people like this exhibitionists, perverts or just garden-variety insane but don’t do that today unless you want a visit from your friendly neighbourhood human rights commissioner.
Some 100,000 people the world over gender-identify as ecosexual, so it’s now a protected gender identity like straight, gay, bi, trans, two-spirit, fluid, non-binary, you name it.
It’s none of my beeswax what aroused environmentalists do in the privacy of their own rose gardens but has anyone considered the thorny issue of consent?
What if that weeping willow wants nothing to do with your mammalian sex organ penetrating its roots, and how exactly does one go about courting an inanimate plant any way?