As we head into the home stretch of the federal election, I want to reach out to a frustrating subset of the Canadian electorate.
I will call them the “casual consent class”, although others will use the more derisive term “low-information voters."
"Casual consent class” voters are those who pay attention to current events only on an informal basis. Generally, they do not seek out information.
They usually get their information from top-of-the-hour news updates on music radio, headlines on free newspapers, and late-night comedy shows.
Their opinions are informed disproportionately from pop-culture sources such as musical icons, Hollywood treatments of events, binged-watched HBO and NetFlix series, and the like.
They prefer the comfort of a good narrative and slick style, and thus react poorly when confronted with facts or opinions that contradict the cool.
We all find it hard to break through to these people. So I’ve decided to provide a public service, and give to you this handy chain letter that you can cut-and-paste into an e-mail to send to your "casual-consent" friends who may get hooked by the sympathetic pull.
Who knows – if it doesn’t influence any votes, you may at least find yourself $10,000 richer...
Dear My Good Canadian Friend,
I hope this note finds you well. My name is Prince Nwankwo Commonsesnso of the Middle Kingdom of East North Congo, a land of gold. I need your help in gaining access to my family’s ancient $1OO.000.000,000.000 fortune that is locked in a Swiss account.
I also want to discuss your election.
I have heard that you are being convinced by all the cool people in your life that “Harper Must Go,” and are thinking of voting against him later this month. I say “vote against” because I know you’re not all that impressed with the other two old-stock candidates, either, but I know you are being told day-in, day-out, by all the cool people, to “Heave Steve”.
I need you to check yourself. You are being lied to by folks united only by self-interest, who are desperate to get their greedy hands on the federal treasury, to empty it in the name of “environment,” “justice,” “compassion,” or any of 100 different “-ism”s they are so fond of railing against.
I need you to face the truth – a truth you already know, deep in your heart:
Deep in your heart, you know that adding $10 billion in debt per year is no way to help your economy.
Deep in your heart, you know that adding 50,000 Syrian Muslim immigrants to your country in the next 11 weeks is insane.
Deep in your heart, you know that a citizen of a foreign nation – like Thomas Mulcair -- shouldn’t be prime minister.
Deep in your heart, you know that the Liberals and NDP will race to bring the GST up from Harper’s 5% back to the Liberals’ 7%, on everything you buy, while smiling and telling you it’s for your own good.
Deep in your heart, you know you don’t want the government becoming your pot dealer; and if you are not a pot-smoker, you know you don’t want the government dumbing down the rest of the population with weed.
Deep in your heart, you know you don’t want your prime minister to be best friend and co-conspirator with Kathleen Wynne, Rachel Notley, Barack Obama, Ayatollah Khameni, Ban-Ki Moon, or any of Europe’s suicidal chiefs.
Deep in your heart, you know that when a Liberal or NDP talks about “investment”, they mean “spend your money on their friends.”
You may ask: How do I know so much about your politics there in Canada?
Well, it doesn’t take a genius. All it takes is an active interest in the real issues; taking a few minutes a day researching and inquiring and discussing online with a diverse group of friends; and thinking for myself, rather than simply letting the hate propaganda of your mainstream media and your grant-culture artists wash over me in a haze.
Now back to my problem: I need you to send me a wire transfer of $10,000.00 so I can unlock that Swiss bank account and return to you your share. But it’s very important that you reach deep into your heart and your mind, and vote right on October 19.
If you make the very, very bad mistake, and vote against Stephen Harper, you may find yourself living under a socialist coalition. All of us foreign chain-letter businessmen know what a disaster that would be. Pretty soon, Canadians will have no more money left to give, and then all the ancient fortune of the Middle Kingdom of East North Congo will remain locked away from the True North Strong And Free, and I’ll have to move on. Maybe to Australia.
There is no time to waste. Forward this on to all your overeducated hipster friends. Then, reach deep down, and vote right.
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