December 22, 2015

Genies of Mass Destruction: Any sane person would bomb the hell out of Agrabah – the city from Aladdin

StaffRebel Columnist

A few days ago I came across an amusing poll by Public Policy Polling. Apparently, 30% of GOP supporters would be in favour of bombing Agrabah – the city from Aladdin.

The mainstream media jumped on this story and how 'uneducated' republicans are. But is it that crazy to want to bomb this place? After all, the city has worse things in their possession than nuclear warheads.

According to the Disney version of Wikipedia (I never thought I'd be sourcing that), right outside the borders of Agrabah is 'The Cave of Wonders'. The page describes it as “A large and mysterious cave in the shape of a tiger found in the middle of the desert. The cave holds many treasures and magical items, most notable Genie's magic lamp and the Magic Carpet.”

For those who are unaware, magic carpets appear to be equipped with an advanced AI giving them their own personality. They also provide very quick aerial transportation and can sit multiple people. This makes them ideal for fly-by shootings as well as suicide bombing runs.

Would you not bomb a city in possession of these advanced carpets?

Most dangerous of all, however, is the Genie which has the power to grant ISIS giant robot mech suits, turn the universe into one giant Islamic caliphate and give his powers to head terrorist leaders.

The wiki page states that the only limits to his power are: “he cannot kill, he cannot make people fall in love, and he cannot raise the dead.”

The bottom line? Something so dangerous cannot be contained. It has to be destroyed.

Not only that, but Agrabah is home of some pretty ridiculous human rights atrocities that would give Saudi Arabia a total hard on.

Its citizens clearly follow a form of sharia law. In one scene, Jasmine – the princess – ventures into the market and gives a small child a vender's apple without paying for it. Upon being caught, the vendor grabs the princess and prepares to cut off her hand for stealing. Luckily, she is saved.

With all these factors taken into consideration – not touching the TV show or other films in the series – it's clear that should the genie and magic carpets fall into the hands of Islamists, it would be the end of Western civilization.

Agrabah has, in its possession, something more dangerous than The Death Star and Starkiller Base combined.

It's not crazy to not want to bomb Agrabah as long as it's done right with no chance for a retaliatory attack. The ones who don't want to engage Agrabah are the ones who will cost people their lives.

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commented 2015-12-23 03:12:35 -0500
“Luckily , she is saved.” By the law of the day the thief should be punished. But human compassion kicks in and for stealing the apple she is not punished at all.
Do our values today include compassion, tolerance, and forgiveness?
Those on The might give some thought to the widespread messages of hatred against Jews, Muslims, and Danish.
Maybe they are all to be hated. But maybe we have some ounce of compassion, tolerance, and forgiveness.
commented 2015-12-22 19:44:50 -0500
The Muslims are about to receive their Magic Carpet, only now days it is called a Nuclear Bomb.