May 26, 2015

Muslim Cleric: Masturbating will lead to pregnant hands in the afterlife

Rebel Staff

 A Muslim Cleric has a sure fire way to cut down on the rising epidemic of pregnant hands: stop masturbating.

Mucahid Cihad Han of Turkey made the comments on station 2000 TV. One of his viewers asked if masturbation was permitted.

According to Hurriyet Daily News, Han said masturbation was haram and not allowed in Islam. He went on to add, “Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights.”

“If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?” he concluded.

What do you think about 'pregnant hands'?

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commented 2015-06-13 19:04:54 -0400
Imagine all those pregnant stomachs out there. How do you tell the boys from the girls? Please enlighten us oh great cleric.
commented 2015-06-02 00:18:17 -0400
What if you wear latex gloves as protection?
commented 2015-05-30 11:52:20 -0400
Now we understand why they want women covered up all the time.
commented 2015-05-28 17:58:14 -0400
There is definitely something mentally wrong with these people. The lunacy never seems to end.
commented 2015-05-28 08:16:30 -0400
I suppose, although I think some are simply indifferent. Those taxonomic shades and nuances matter to Marxists and Christians and art critics, but not so much to those outside the frame.
commented 2015-05-27 22:57:37 -0400
Terry – hahaha. Good one. I suspect the handy daddy warning is an analogy from a hadith that someone has taken literally or perhaps is using literally to horrify young men. You know, like the parable of the sewer for whom some seed fell on good land, other on rocky land, sandy land, weedy land, shallow land, radioactive land, lands of hands, etc., and bore fruit accordingly.

Aren’t agnostics skeptical by definition?
commented 2015-05-27 06:44:52 -0400
Joan: I used to call myself an atheist, but it was pointed out to me by a Christian friend that that’s wrong; she tells me I’m a skeptical agnostic.
On the subject of this particular cleric – I keep wondering if it’s a joke. It sounds a lot like a Woody Allen line: “If you keep masturbating, your hand will get pregnant, then it will spend eternity complaining to God about what a lousy father you are…”
commented 2015-05-27 06:40:56 -0400
Peter: uh, to point out, as I said, that religious fundamentalists say really stupid stuff?
commented 2015-05-27 01:11:55 -0400
Well they say that there is a severe shortage of virgins in the afterlife for Muslims due to the promiscuous behaviour in western societies, so maybe their hands can make up for the shortage.
commented 2015-05-26 23:32:22 -0400
Possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.
commented 2015-05-26 21:47:35 -0400
These people are seriously frakked up!
commented 2015-05-26 20:02:41 -0400
Lends a whole new inference to the word “handyman”…
commented 2015-05-26 19:45:11 -0400
This is the 21st century. Who could believe this stuff. All they have to do is Google it.
commented 2015-05-26 19:40:52 -0400
two thoughts.. what happens if they cut your hands off first? (is that a muslim divorce?) and without a translation to English ticker tape, his comments are just so much gobble gobble.
commented 2015-05-26 19:27:41 -0400
Great. I’m gonna be working my afterlife away trying to feed and clothe all these damn handkids.
commented 2015-05-26 19:07:30 -0400
I take it that TheRebel.Media assumes all of it’s followers speak Arabic. Otherwise I’m sure they would have provided a close-caption on-screen English translation of the video. I guess I’m the only one who doesn’t speak Arabic, What did he say, guys?
commented 2015-05-26 19:01:06 -0400
Really? Wow! My Mom told me not only would I go blind, but I would grow hair in my palms! Biologically, there’s not enough room in a “hand” to be pregnant. No one ever said Islam has knowledge of biology (other than cutting off heads, hands etc) or is logical!
commented 2015-05-26 18:53:03 -0400
Please provide a screen crawl translation or save your time guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
commented 2015-05-26 18:49:24 -0400
You can phuck your goat but masturbate… FORGET IT!
commented 2015-05-26 17:51:55 -0400
What a nut-bar. People actually listen to this guy ?
commented 2015-05-26 17:44:45 -0400
there’s sons of a gun and sons of a hand, lots of pregnant guys in jihad nation lol
commented 2015-05-26 17:35:42 -0400
Yeah, and my mother told me when I was a teenager that if I didn’t stop I would go blind. Hah, a lot she knew! I just need glasses for reading!!!! And followers believe this BS???
commented 2015-05-26 17:01:16 -0400
Islam – says it all.
commented 2015-05-26 16:27:22 -0400
At least he is not advocating chopping off hands.
commented 2015-05-26 16:14:33 -0400
Terry – are you an atheist?
commented 2015-05-26 16:13:08 -0400
Edward Teach – you’re a bad one. Off with your head!!
commented 2015-05-26 16:11:37 -0400
“Religious fundamentalists sure are silly. Remember Pat Robertson, . . .”

Why is it that whenever a stupid thing is said by a religious person, some people love to pull it back to “Remember what that stupid Christian said once? You know that time . . .”

Does it give you glee to continually be slighting Christians?
commented 2015-05-26 16:03:18 -0400
What if I wear a condom?
commented 2015-05-26 15:42:05 -0400
What was it our mothers told boys not yet a generation ago? Oh yeah, that masturbating makes you blind. Blind to what was not explained and boys were led to believe the blindness would be literal.

Sigh. Even happily married men masturbate … don’t you? Sorry, too personal. Don’t they?

Reminds me of the song from the pop musical “Hair”:
commented 2015-05-26 15:01:29 -0400
Hey Mucahid Cihad Han, how about a bacon and ham sandwich? You communist pig!!!